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My Child is Hitting: Parenting The Problem, Not the Punch

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What should I do when my child hits? 

It’s one of the most common questions we get at Hand in Hand Parenting, and it’s the content of this week’s podcast. And no wonder. Hitting can feel dangerous. Offensive. Confusing.

But if hitting is so common, why are we all still wondering what to do about it?

There’s so much differing advice!

What Are Children Really Saying When They Hit?

Abigail talks about all the quick-tip strategies out there and why they might work at first but why so often they fail in the long-term.

We look at what children might be communicating through hitting, whether it’s a (somewhat misguided) attempt at play or as an expression as deep-rooted fear, and Elle admits completely misreading some of her child’s hitting behaviors. 

Understanding Hitting and other Defiant Behavior

And although we don’t encourage hitting, we talk about why parenting the punch itself doesn’t actually ease the problem but instead pushes the feelings causing a child to hit to one side. They may disappear for now, but they (and the hitting) will soon be back again. 

So, we talk about what parenting the problem and not the punch actually means:

  • Get wise to why your child hits and how to respond accordingly
  • How to keep protected and still lean into the hitting
  • How hitting can offer room for growth and connection as you partner with your child and move past hitting

Listen to Hitting: Parent the Problem, Not The Punch and learn to set limits around hitting and respond in the way your child really needs you to. Because if you truly want to solve your child’s hitting, you have to do the least obvious thing first – accept it. 

More Resources For Parenting When Your Child Hits

Elle mentioned the post When Your Toddler Hits You in this episode. Read it to discover more about this new perspective around hitting.

We did a podcast with play expert Lawrence Cohen on aggressive play, how to manage it so that it helps reduce a child’s aggressive behaviors. Listen to it here.

Learn how to lean into the first stages of aggression with a vigorous snuggle.

You might also like this article on partnering with your child which is what we are really talking about in this podcast,

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

Register for Abigail’s 30-day re-set here and learn more about Hand in Hand’s monthly membership

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/my-child-is-hitting-parenting-the-problem-not-the-punch

A Love Letter to Parents

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If you were to see a job description for a role where non-stop, around-the-clock care was compulsory, and there was no training and no overtime, would you take it?

Probably not!

Yet, it’s what we all sign up for when we become parents.

Hand in Hand Parenting exists to support parents in this crazy difficult role, and it’s why we make this podcast each week! We love love love you parents for showing up here, united in your care and devotion to raising your kids the best you can. What an amazing community!

And so, this week, Abigail and Elle wanted to celebrate your role as parents and all you do that is seen and unseen. Take this as an inspirational message for parents everywhere.

If you are in need of support, nurturing and community, welcome. Listen to A Love Letter to Parents now and take a minute to pause, reflect and love yourself a little. 

Share Our Love Letter To Parents

Please share this inspirational message for parents with those you might know who would like and value the support of our beautiful community. You are the parents who will #changeparenting for the next generation, making it a more supported and understood role.

More Resources To Support Your Role as A Parent

“The way that we relate to children, on the whole, is the most powerful engine for what changes the future,” says psychologist Robin Grille, in this stirring interview with Hand in Hand’s Roma Norriss. Watch Parents Are the Most Powerful Activists There Are

Hand in Hand Parenting helps parents stop yelling and start connecting. Read how in How Hand in Hand Scholarships Help Parents Stop Yelling and Start Playing

What causes parents to feel isolated, stressed, and overwhelmed? Get Five Revolutionary Tools that will help you relax and enjoy your parenting more. Sign up for your free guide now.

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org and don’t forget to subscribe!

Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/a-love-letter-to-parents

Reframing Your Past Could Be The Key To More Confident and Content Parenting

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Psychologist and parenting expert Ross Greene coined quite the term when he said that “Kids do well when they can,” but isn’t exactly the same true of parents?

Reframing your past could be the key to getting there, and becoming a more confident, calm and content parent. 

Why?

 

It’s highly unlikely that any of us here set out to be terrible parents, so why do we often end up feeling that way?

This week, Abigail and Elle are looking at trauma and the ways that past traumatic experiences can reverberate in our parenting. Elle asks what exactly trauma is, and we look into identifying trauma and its after-effects.

Past trauma can stall us in our belief and ability to parent consciously, but reframing these experiences can help us heal well and move on. Abigail shares a deeply moving account of her pregnancy trauma and how reframing her devastation transformed it into something positive and warm. Much of this came down to the tools she used after discovering Hand in Hand Parenting. 

Listen this week and find out how the Hand in Hand tools can help you retell your trauma story, heal and move on.

Listen to Reframing Your Past Could Be The Key To More Content Parenting.

More Resources on How Hand in Hand can Help Parents and Children Recover from Trauma

This article on Re-writing Your Trauma Story is the one Abigail refers to in the podcast and shares the steps she used to retell her story. We hope that this is useful for you too.

You’ll find more ideas about the brain’s ability to heal thanks to neuroplasticity and more ideas about using the tools to move on from toxic stress 

And in Can Hand in Hand Heal Complex Trauma you can read how the tools help children through traumatic experiences

Watch Ross Greene talking about how kids do well when they can in this video

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Get updates on everything Hand in Hand! Sign up for our newsletter and get a free copy of our Tantrums and Indignation eBook

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/reframing-your-past-could-be-the-key-to-more-confident-and-content-parenting-0

Two Ways To Conquer Separation Anxiety

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Changes in routine or surroundings often trigger separation anxiety, and as parents, we often see it play out at daycare or school drop-off. And it’s really no secret why. We rush to get out on time, we have our never-ending running to-do list chattering, and on top of that we see other children run off happily to meet friends while our own tearful child clings to our legs crying, and all in front of the teacher.

No wonder Elle says that even the words “separation anxiety” have her breaking out in a cold sweat.

It’s also the reason we wanted to make Separation Anxiety our focus on the podcast this week. Abigail and Elle explore how to use Hand in Hand’s Parenting tools to ease separation stress. And we talk about two tools that have had helped bring profound changes for kids with fears about separation.

Listen to Two Ways To Conquer Separation Anxiety and get support for when:

  1. Your child clings to you when it’s time to leave and frequently resists new things
  2. You are confused what to when separation anxiety hits
  3. You are losing patience with the crying
  4. You’ve ever had a hard time saying goodbye to your own child

Number 4 is crucial to understanding how separation feels for you and why that might be – as Elle recently discovered.

We’ll also be talking about the not so obvious ways that the stress of separation and fear can show up in other areas.

Listen in now, for some immediately actionable tools you can use to conquer separation anxiety in your family today.

More Resources for Conquering Separation Anxiety

This article can be used to lighten the tension of separation anxiety 20 Playful Ways To Heal Separation Anxiety

If you want to learn concrete tools to address anxiety, stop the behavior, and strengthen your child’s relationship this class will help – Say Goodbye to Separation Anxiety

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Get updates on everything Hand in Hand! Sign up for our Newsletter

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/two-ways-to-conquer-separation-anxiety

Lying: Why Children Lie And Ways to Respond

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Have you ever?

  • Watched as your child did something and then immediately blame someone else?
  • Heard, “I have no homework,” from your child and then discovered it stuffed at the bottom of her school bag?
  • Had a parent come to you and congratulate you on your new car / your child’s new triumph in soccer or trombone / or to wish you well on an upcoming trip – none of which you know anything about?

This week on the podcast Abigail and Elle are looking at the lies our kids tell and why.

And we discuss practical strategies you can use when you discover your child in a lie – that don’t rely on punishment.

Join us this week on the podcast and discover:

  • Why lies are so commonly misunderstood
  • Asking and answering the question: Should I ignore lying or insist on the truth or something in between
  • Ways to help a child that lies without using punishment
  • How to find lightness in the lies

Listen now to Children Lying: Why Children Lie And Ways to Respond

more resources about children and lying

This in-depth article talks about the different lies children tell and what they can mean with advice on how to help a child who lies to you. Read When Children Lie

This mom responded calmly despite her alarm when she found her son had lied about money in Helping My Son With Lying

Get this eBook How Children’s Emotions Work to find out how lying can be a call for extra connection

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Get updates on everything Hand in Hand! Sign up for our Monthly Newsletter

Wish Parenting was less stressful? Join Hand in Hand’s Parent Club for support and community. Your own Parent Club with moderated forums live call-ins and resources.

 

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/lying-why-children-lie-and-ways-to-respond

Why are we parents so scared of disappointing our kids?

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Are you shy of disappointing your kids?

Over the last few episodes, Abigail and Elle have been decoding emotional projects – in part one we looked at noticing behaviors which signal an emotional project, and in part two we spoke about when and how to work on an emotional project using the Hand in Hand tools.

Why it’s OK to Disappoint Our Kids

For the last part in this series, we’re taking a look at how disappointment is linked to the emotional project, why we, as parents, are so scared of disappointing our kids and why disappointment is both unavoidable and a totally acceptable part of parenting.

If you ever fund yourself torn about saying no to your child or have a hard time setting boundaries with them, listen in as we discuss the plus side of disappointing our kids, it’s role in building resilience and – despite all the odds – closeness.

Listen to Why Are We Parents so Scared to Disappoint our Kids? and find out why when we disappoint our kids – and support them through it – we can impart some useful life lessons.

Find out:

  • Why parents will always disappoint their kids
  • How to reframe disappointment from a negative to a positive
  • How we can support kids as they feel disappointment

More Resources About Kids and Disappointment

This post demonstrates how Hand in Hand Instructor Anca Deaconu supported her son through a disappointment Handling Child Disappointments

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Wish Parenting was less stressful? Join Hand in Hand’s Parent Club for support and community. Your own Parent Club with moderated forums, live call-ins and resources.

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/why-are-we-parents-so-scared-of-disappointing-our-kids

Ep 47 Working with a Child’s Rigid Behaviors

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Defiance, Upsets and Power Struggles: Solving Common Child Behavior Problems

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Ever feel like you are trying to cope with every common child behavior problem in the book?

  • Won’t get dressed
  • Doesn’t want to eat breakfast
  • Won’t brush teeth
  • Keeps throwing toys
  • Has a tantrum every time you leave
  • Always begs for more screentime
  • Never wants to go to sleep
  • Doesn’t listen
  • Constant whining

Every single request seems like it’s met with resistance. If someone were to ask you what you are up against in your parenting, you’d shout “everything!”

It’s frustrating

It’s draining

It’s totally upsetting

And it makes parenting feel just about impossible.

What if One Thing Was Causing These All of These Problem Behaviors?

What if we told you that actually, there is one central issue here? That there is one challenge you have to tackle. One thing is driving all these challenging, rigid behaviors?

And that when you understand what that issue is and begin working on it, you’ll see these problem behaviors dissolve.

This week Elle and Abigail are talking about the times when nothing seems right for your child, when every interchange feels like a power struggle, and how you can get to the root of the issue to stop the behaviors that drive you so crazy!

Join us this week and listen to Defiance, Upsets and Power Struggles: Solving Common Child Behavior Problems

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. 

Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message about challenges you might be facing in your parenting.

Sign up for our Monthly Newsletter 

Wish Parenting was less stressful? Join Hand in Hand’s Parent Club for support and community. Your own Parent Club with moderated forums, live call-ins and resources.

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/defiance-upsets-and-power-struggles-solving-common-child-behavior-problems

An Entirely New Spin on Kids and Sharing

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To share, or not to share, is that the question?

So many parents in our parent groups and The Parent Club come to us with questions about sharing, it’s a subject that we knew we had to cover!

Why is sharing such a hot-topic conversation?

Well, sharing brings on big feelings for parents and children and there are so many differing thoughts and views on how to handle sharing. 

And sharing can feel unfair, or questionable. 

Like when your child demands another child’s toy at a playgroup, for instance, it can feel like second nature to make him or her wait. But when another child demands a toy from yours, we often feel propelled to hand it over.

But, what if we went beyond what fair sharing looks like, and into why sharing so often doesn’t happen? What if we treated the symptom, instead of the problem?

Try This Entirely New Spin on Sharing

So today, Abigail and Elle share an entirely new spin on parenting, with some concrete tools on handling sharing with the children in your lives. 

Join us this week and listen to An Entirely New Spin on Kids and Sharing

More Resources About Sharing

At Hand in Hand Parenting, we’re fans of this “I’ll be with you while you wait,” strategy. This way of listening to a child has multiple benefits for your child’s emotional health, and it also stops the back and forth taking turns that can be so frustrating and stressful to put in place.

Find out more about that here It’s Mine! All About Sharing

keep connected

We’d love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on FacebookTwitterPinterest, and Instagram. 

Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message about challenges you might be facing in your parenting.

Sign up for our Monthly Newsletter 

Wish parenting was less stressful?

Join Hand in Hand’s Parent Club for support and community.

 

 

source http://handinhandparenting.libsyn.com/an-entirely-new-spin-on-kids-and-sharing

6 Qualities of Greatness

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6 Qualities of Greatness

We all have the potential for greatness. To develop and express our greatness, we must possess the passion and drive to live our lives with calculated risks and an attitude of faith. When we strive for greatness, when we strive to give all we’ve got to achieving our dreams, “success” is the secondary benefit.

Greatness lies in the journey, not the result. If success is our only drive, we may achieve financial wealth, but we may not achieve greatness. Greatness is much deeper than money. Greatness is an expression of our character.

1. Leadership

Greatness in leaders is expressed though a positive attitude. For this reason, we must add a positive attitude to everything we do. When we do this, it causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes to come our way. Our positive attitude must be powerful enough to infect every one of our team members. It is our attitude that motivates our team members to achieve the goals that have been placed in front of them.

How we respond to our team members when the stakes are high and the consequences really matter is what helps them to be fearless. As leaders, we must lay the groundwork for our team members to succeed, and then we must possess the humility and self-confidence to sit back and watch them shine. A leader who possesses greatness will take more than his or her fair share of the blame when things go wrong and be satisfied to take less than a fair share of the acknowledgment when success occurs.

 

Click HERE for full article.